For the past several weeks I have been unable to really feel much sensation in my hands and feet. I have seriously impaired dexterity in my fingers. Everything I touch has the same soft, dull texture as a fleece throw. I’m not sure I can negotiate a sewing needle or small embellishments right now. On top of this, the skin on my hands is tight, dry, and peeling, and sometimes my fingers are swollen, other times they seem shriveled. I’m going through a lot of hand salve. I have no idea what’s causing this. I know what’s not causing it. I am not diabetic, I am not B12 deficient, I have no abnormalities in standard blood work.

I already know I have rheumatoid arthritis. I also have Hashimoto’s disease. Autoimmune diseases suck, they come in gangs, and manifest in a lot of crazy ways. Maybe this is another one. Maybe it’s a reaction to the RA drug. Maybe it’s temporary nerve damage from a recent respiratory virus. I’m currently in the American healthcare system’s long wait cycle to see some specialists to try to figure it out. Who knows how long it will take.

Losing sensation and dexterity in my hands has forced a question: what if this were permanent?